My self seeking heart
How you stray
From true love
I fear dependency
Yet it makes me a slave to defeat
My weakness is the master
When I run away from thee
How gently you call to me
Never rushing my quaking heart
And my quick feet
Why cant’t I trust you
Why do I challenge your consistency
Show me love
Take this empty life
Take it all, For I am breaking
It came rushing all at once
Fast moving
Moments just moments
High- lighted from my past
As they came I felt
The same as I did before
They keep saying move on
Let it all go
Forgive and forget
But when life marks you
Do you forget?
Do you let go?
Or do you remember?
So you keep the knowledge
That you aren’t the same
You grew, You Changed
You became more than they believed you could
So never forget
Remember the glory and pain
And be remade
I remember, I remember
All of it
Every touch, Every sweet phrase
I remember, I remember
Each promise changed me
you were different, but altogether the same
I remember the crushing pain
knowing I wouldn’t be the same
You would stay with me always
I want to hate you
I want to blame you
But all I can do is thank you
Because I remember, I remember
How it feels
nothing can be less
I got a taste and now I know
and i’m changed
I want to hate you
but instead I thank you
Always
Because I remember, I remember
All of it
I use to be so afraid of things when I was younger, of the dark of disappointing people it was literally crippling at times. As I got older I told myself I wouldn’t be that kind of woman, I would be bold and brave I would walk without a care. Though my achilles heel was love not just romantic love but all kinds and mostly it was me excepting it from others. When I was younger I had a mentor tell me at the age of 14 that he felt as though I struggled with excepting love, well I didn’t at that time but from that day on at 14 I struggled with feeling loved until probably now honestly though I am healthier as I have gotten older. These have been some painful years spent in a lot of healing for a simple thing that at 14 I had no idea how to not take as my reality. Words are the most powerful weapon we have they heal and they hurt, the biggest healers I had have always been my parents with there simple words and constant love. Still to this day they hold the keys to making me feel more loved and valued than most, I was a lucky little girl to have a dad who showed love the simplest ways, one more time was never a burden to him. My mother is still my biggest comfort I have years and years of memories of her holding me while I was sick and singing me to sleep as I was scared of the dark. Though as I get older I see the lack of love from my peers and how we see someone we may not value as much as they do us as a annoyance. When I was 22 I was lucky to meet someone who valued my heart and time and in complete fear I decided to be bold and I let him know I wanted to get to know him( to this day the scariest thing I have ever done) to my surprise he felt the same. He is one of the best and hardest blessing the lord brought into my life and even though things didn’t go the way we wanted I will always look back on him and what God taught me with a joyful heart. So what is my first post about what? it’s an open letter to myself and hopefully a letter that resonates within you too.
Dear Self,
Remember to not fear what you can’t see, you are braver than you believe.
Always love with an open heart considering that loving one person well can truly change the world.
Remember love breaks all shells not with one swift blow but consist consistency.
Being vulnerable isn’t weakness but true strength letting people truly see and love is how love wins.
You are not judge and jury, the world is full of things beyond our understanding
Words heal and break be aware of there power
Their is no fear in love
You are more than you seem
What we call art shouldn’t be what separates us from people but a sign that none of us are alone it’s the knowing that someone somewhere has felt the same that we are never really alone
Being by yourself isn’t a bad thing
Remember God will always love you more than you can undertsand
All who wander are not lost pursue what makes you happy even if you are scared half to death
Growing up doesn’t mean you can’t act like a kid
That death isn’t the end I will see you again
Bubbly doesn’t mean dumb and joy is a strength that is the most confusing to people
Choose to see the best in others so they can see it in themselves
Always speak truth in love
Make time for those who mean the most
God has and will always matter more than anything else
Everything is momentary except for God
How we honor him now does matter
Wild Darling 